Some Rain and a Sprain

"You might just have to go on light duty for a while" 
"There is no such thing as 'light duty' on my unit, Doctor." 


I try to half smile as we discuss the prognosis of my pesky ankle injury.  I sit in the small exam room with harsh lighting and posters telling me to cheer up.


 Last week I was overly exuberant about purchasing a long board for my twenty fifth birthday.  I was having a blast and making jokes about pulling muscles related to my old age. As fate would have it I sprained/ pulled something in my right heel.  Now one week later I am hobbling around and looking at my long board with longing (haha to word play) and a little bit of anger.  Every step is painful.  I get stares and looks of sympathy from people at the store.  People offer to hold the door more often or extend extra politeness, which is certainly kind.  However, I really do not prefer the extra attention. 


This whole week has been such a journey.   I have been trying to keep a positive attitude and learn what I can.  First thing I'm learning is to be patient with my body.  Things don't just change overnight.  We live in such a fast paced, instant world.  We have access to anything we want to know right away, food on demand and quick fixes for any problems anytime we need them.  Our bodies still operate the same way they did hundreds of years ago.  Our patience just has dramatically decreased.   I tell my patients this all the time.  The body sometimes just needs to take its course and heal.  Now I am eating the words to my own sermon.  Slowly with time, love, naproxen, ice and elevation I'm hoping it will heal up soon.


I have also learned to not take my health for granted.  This summer I went on many runs, hikes, bike rides and late night walks without a care in the world.  I've worked twelve hour shifts and come home to do more work or workout right after.  I don't say this to come across as wonder woman, but to say that I took my healthy body for granted. I assumed my body would always work the way it should and had no question it would.  Now  the most basic of tasks take me twice as long.  My brain thinks quicker but my body is slower to get there.  I look out my window as runners pass by in the early morning and late evening. Apart of my heart aches because that was me a week ago and now walking to bathroom is a challenge.  I see groups kids on scooters or dribbling basketballs down the street and my ankle starts to hurt just watching them run around.  With my foot propped up on a beanbag I lie in my bed and watch the action out my second story window with only a novel to keep me company.  I think to myself that when I feel a hundred percent again I will be thankful for everyday I can walk pain free.


The last thing I am learning is something I am still working on and the learning is ongoing as this journey continues. It is fear of the unknown.  All the 'what-ifs' and questions that swirl my mind as the hours pass and the sharp pain continues to persist with each and every step.  What about work?  When will the pain stop? How much activity is too much? What if it gets more serious the more I walk?  All of these questions my family doctor and I do not seem to have the answers to.  This challenging time has given a great opportunity to trust in God and strengthen my prayer life because in this moment I genuinely feel weak.  I know that when I am weak, he is strong.  That is Sunday School 101, but when the times actually happen where you need to trust because there is no other option it all becomes more real.   I also believe that God can heal this and I continue to pray and believe for that as well.  I have realized that I have little control of the unknown.  Stewing over the situation will not lesson the pain or make me better.  Continuing to trust God, pray for him to give continued strength and healing is the only way to peace of mind.   


This whole experience has also given me the ability to be more empathetic with those who struggle to walk, have disabilities or other injuries as well.  If I have a patient with pain I feel like I can resonate more with their particular needs.  I see the world a little different now in terms of distances to walk places or how much doing an activity will provoke the pain.  I have a deeper understanding for their needs, and for that I'm glad to have this difficult time for that reason. 


I hope this late summer is treating you well.  Be thankful for the health you have or continue to press on if you're struggling with pain as well.  Also try to look for learning opportunities in the challenges because during these times we will grow the most.