Running Around

And into the open I'll fly and I'll soar
To a place where Im free
Where no one keeps score

Why I love running
And what I learned in the process

Lately and for a long time I feel as though I've been a closet runner.  What I mean by that is it's not the first thing I like to talk about and I don't like to advertise how much I love it.  The reasoning behind this is because I don't have any outstanding talent in the sport.  I never placed in a state meet, I normally don't run races and I wouldn't consider myself as hardcore as other people.  Nonetheless, I love it and have been running for a steady ten years.

It all started with the seventh grade mile in gym class. Having never pegged myself as the athletic type I figured this would just be another humiliating feat to add onto my junior high insecurities.  When the whistle blew I was off and surprisingly found that I was staying with some of the people I thought would blow me in the dust.  When the race was over I felt an exhilaration and sense of freedom I never experienced.  I learned that running made me happy and I could accomplish something I didn't think was possible.

Around this time a few people talked to me about going out for track.  I really wanted to, but fear of failure was holding be back. I told them I wasn't ready.  I would go for runs by myself, but dreamed I had the courage to participate on a team.  Looking back, those were really precious times because I was teaching myself how to run longer distances and set a pace.

When I was fourteen I had some difficult personal issues going on in my life.  I ran to distract myself, sort out emotions and relinquish control I felt I had no sense of.  I learned that no matter what I went through in life I would have a physical, tangible activity I could do that would help me feel better.

I ran track all four years in high school, but really only peaked my junior and senior year.  I remember my freshman year I dreamed of being a sprinter, but found I was more suited for longer distances.  I wasn't thrilled at first and the training was brutal.  I got last place and even lapped by older girls in a lot of the races.  The glue that kept me stuck to running was an amazing coach and teammates.  No matter where I was on the track or in a race I could hear either Coach Duane or one of the distance girls yelling words of encouragement.  Through the years, my coach was always just as excited about a new personal best time no matter what level I was running at.  I learned in high school that running is a skill, a sport, and something almost sacred.  It requires time and attention to detail.  My time running in high school set such a solid foundation on inner strength and stamina that I would need later in life.

When I was seventeen I had another difficult event in my life. Sometimes I felt alone in a vast grey ocean by myself with only a life jacket keeping me barley above the roaring waves.  Other times I felt like an animal at the zoo.  Tons of people staring at me through glass and feeling somewhat on display.  While people's intentions were good, I hated the attention and feeling as though our problems were for all the world to see. Those were rough days of either feeling completely alone or in the center of some terrible attention I had no desire to be in.  Running was something that I turned to once again. I would run all the time.  When my feelings were swelling inside me I would run.  I would also run to forget temporarily and to transport myself to some alternative world where all I needed to worry about was the playlist on my iPod.  I would push myself to go harder and longer. I enjoyed the pain I felt physically because it made me forget the emotional pain.  I had something to turn to and lean on when it felt like I had nothing.  Eventually this led to some health issues.  Bradycardia, orthostatic hypotension, amenorrhea, weight loss and low potassium did not look good on me.  This was when running taught me balance at the time in my life the word "balance" was the stupidest word, ever. I was medically forced to take time off.  As devastating as this was, I was able to realize just how much I loved the sport.  I did everything to get better as fast as I could. I took six weeks off a crucial time in training, but still came back to run some decent times.  This time in life taught me to dig deep, rely on God and take better care of myself.

After high school I went to Australia to do Youth With A Mission.  Most mornings I would run before class to the Pacific Ocean.  I have some of the greatest memories of the sweet Australian sunshine on my back as I would meander through the city of Surfers Paradise.  I would sit by the beach for a while and just absorb everything I was learning in classes and in life.  The ocean breeze and soft sand always kept me there longer then I intended.  These morning runs gave me stability and normalcy as I was a nineteen year old small town girl living in a different country.  I learned that no matter where I go or how much my life changes, running will keep me grounded.

Into my early adulthood I've still consistently run.  Some seasons I've run more and some less. When late nights of studying would leave me brain fried I would go for a quick shake-out.  I would return more rejuvenated and able to retain more.  If I was overwhelmed by the insurmountable amount of reading ahead of me I would run to procrastinate, but somehow it made my tasks seem more manageable.   If I run before work I find I'm less stressed and think clearer. Little things won't get to me as much.  Now my life is stable and so is my running.  My training regime is boring, but I absolutely love it.  I feel so lucky to be able to do what I do. As I venture in adulthood I'm learning that life is a process.  There are ups and downs just like training. There are exciting times, times of stagnancy and times of challenge.  Through all times I learned that the best way to get through and process anything is to just put one foot in front of the other.

So here I am, no longer a closet runner.  I encourage everyone out there to do what makes them feel alive and to give that life to others.