Keeping My Cool; I'm Back at School

These past few weeks have been a steady uphill battle of combating anxiety, fear of failure and the new reality of less free time.  I got accepted this summer to Eastern Mennonite University to pursue my Bachelors degree in nursing.  And while I heard the very positive feedback about the program; I still met doing it with lots if reluctance.  It's not like I have a choice though.  Anyone semi- familiar with my profession or the situation knows it's a requirement for what I do by a certain time period.  It was something I wanted to do anyway, but the time limit was the push to do it now.

I remember loving the first day of school growing up.  It usually meant new sneakers, a fresh outfit, connecting with old friends again and a blank slate.  When I thought about going back to school this summer I can still feel my blood vessels constrict and the room feeling significantly less oxygenated. Now there is so much more at stake and unknowns. Memories of sweet school days have been replaced by meticulously balancing a schedule, having a teacher again, breakout of stress induced adult acne, long papers to write, the reality of being $20,000 lighter and those crazy heart palpitations I get when waiting for grades to come back.  Nothing about this seems fun or exciting.  I can think of so much more I wold rather do at this point in my life.

Now I'm three weeks in school.  This is the part where I turn on the optimism, say "It's great!  I love it!" and give a report of how despite my fears in the beginning, I'm growing to enjoy it.  And while the school is great, the people are nice and the assignments are bearable; I still feel qualms or anxiousness about it.  Still many unknowns and they will always be there until I'm through completely.  I believe It's matter of embracing the fear and diving in; thinking about how it will help me professionally; and diving into all the love and support from family, friends and even the school provides.

So here I am, working full time and back in school.  Not really the dream or standard at this this point in my life. I bet no one would want to trade with me, but I know that despite my hesitations, self doubts and financial sacrifices that this is exactly where I need to be.  I know the Lord has me here at this school for a reason. If I wasn't there I would probably feel the same way.  Being back in school really does provide me opportunities to lean on him and embrace the truth and peace he offers so freely.  the Bible also says we should rejoice in all circumstances; not just when we have control, we're aware of tomorrow,  and life is smooth.  Simply having breath in our lungs and shoes on our feet is means to be thankful.   Below are a few verses that have been giving me a better perspective these past few weeks.

Psalm 56:3 "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you."

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!"

Deuteronomy 12:7 "There also you and your households shall eat before the Lord your God, and rejoice in all your undertakings in which the Lord your God has blessed you."

I hope these verses encourage you in whatever your fears or endeavors are this week.  The truth that God is always bigger than myself, my ideals or anything I possess myself is comforting, humbling and will help me remain on the right track.  Knowing that I'm not alone in the gray, deep ocean of school keeps me afloat as well.

Semi-new dress for school. (Thanks, Ivan!) 







First day of school vibes...

My new reality for the next 18 months:  Homework on bed for the win.