I'd like to think that sometimes we can become calloused to the harshness of life that is not physical as well. Things like negative self talk and insults from other people (even if it's meant to be funny). I remember the first time a doctor snapped at me. My pupils probably dilated the size of saucers and my heart sank to the bottom of my chest. I replayed the incident in my head for longer then Id like to admit. Now, after a few more times of it happening; the incident will just roll off like melted butter on a potato. Do I enjoy it? No. I still get that same feeling I had when it happened the first time, only this time it's much less severe. Now I don't carry it home and think about it the next day. I've become calloused or toughened to that aspect of my job. Alongside that is any negative self talk I've built up over the years. This runs the gamut from anything regarding physical appearance, personality traits or habits I've accumulated. I've noticed that I have some of the same thinking patterns I've had for years. Since they've been in my head for so long I barely notice them. They are more like a pesky nuisance. However, if one or two build up subconsciously, I can start to feel pretty lousy and not know why. A while ago I really started to pick up on this and have really been doing better. I think we can all relate to this in some way.
Unlike calluses that are slowly built up overtime and take a while to develop, getting punched in the nose (unexpectedly) is much different. First, you're shocked. There's this brief moment right at onset where you don't feel any pain, because you're so surprised at first. You think "Why is this happening to me?" or simply "Oh my gosh, I'm getting punched in the nose!" Then milliseconds later the pain sets in. Deep pain. Weird pain from nerves you forgot were there because you don't get punched in the nose everyday. Suddenly you're aware of your sinuses on the inside of your face that you never noticed before. After the pain come anger. "Who does he/she think they are?!" The sympathetic nervous system (SNS or "fight to flight response") is in overdrive and you want to fight back, run, and give this person a piece of your mind all at once. After the anger, regardless of what you did with your response is some lingering pain that stays with you for a few hours or days depending on the severity of the nose punch. After a few days the bruising sets in, yet you've built an acceptance to the event. Life goes on and there are other things to think about and responsibilities to complete. Yet every time you pass a mirror and see the bruises on your face the memories quickly come back. The place you were at, who you were with, the smells and even what you said before it happened can flood your mind. It's normal to even relive a stage in the emotions you experienced when it happened. Every nose-punch story is different and has it's unique twists and turns, but those are the general stages one goes through with a punch to the face.
Like callouses not just being physical, getting punched in the nose doesn't have to be either. a few general examples are finding out close friends are talking about you, discovering someone you trust turned their back on you, a boyfriend/ spouse cheated on you, attacks for no reason or finding out someone stole from you. If anything like this happens it's gut wrenching and an unfortunate pivotal life moment.
The motivation for this post is because it's personal. A few weeks ago this figuratively happened to me in the form of a snappy, rude text. I was completely blindsided by this person and it was insulting on a few levels. With out going into the dirty details or complicity of it, I'll just say this message was based on something that actually happened, but was totally untrue of me. I'll try to describe the stages I went through as they directly correlate with physically being punched in the nose. First, the shock came. I opened my phone and read a few highlight words from the text and immediately felt the heart race. Thank goodness my boyfriend was there. Next came the pain. I pulled off to the side of road to read the message clearer while all the more feeling a mix of shock and pain at the same time. Next came the adrenaline and wanting to make the situation right in my own way. "She doesn't understand! We need to call her!" My mom and I tried to reach out to this person, but it didn't really get us anywhere. Both my poor mother and I lost sleep that night. Anger was definitely in my blood and that's an emotion I'm not used to feeling. I wanted to give this person a piece of my mind. The next day and a few days after the resolution phase came. It sure took its sweet time coming though. A lot of thought, prayer and diversional activity later; I'm confidently still in the resolution phase. The dust has settled so-to-say and the person is aware of the actual facts. I did want to talk to this person face to face, but time and opportunity has not allowed. I look forward to that time though for proper closure. Maybe it's best that it's been a few weeks so we're all more calm and rational. Even just writing about this has made me emotionally relive the event.
If this experience this summer taught me anything it's to ALWAYS KNOW THE FACTS BEFORE ASSUMING ANYTHING. Especially if you're going to judge or message another person and take any quick action. This whole thing could have easily been avoided had this person simply known the story. Knowing the story comes by asking questions. This person had a right to feel the way they did based on the story they knew. However, the story didn't come from the right source. Regardless of if the story was true or not, the reaction was inappropriate. I know I have been quick to overreact in the past, but now I'm more aware of how my reactions affect others. I also learned it's normal, okay and actually good to feel emotions like anger. It's how you follow through with them that matters. Based off scripture we should go to the offending person and talk it out. This is a challenge, but the best way for closure.
I hope you all enjoy the remaining end of this glorious summer!
Peace and Love
No comments:
Post a Comment